I once said that to someone very dear. At the time I meant it both literally and metaphorically. It was, perhaps, the most loving thing I ever said.
So what do I mean by "snot"?
You know... it's all that "stuff" inside of us when we're not feeling well. It's what clogs us up, makes us feel miserable, makes it hard to breathe, makes it hard to sleep, keeps us from enjoying, even living life. It's messy, it's ugly, it's sometimes disgusting. It's what we more often suck in instead of blowing out and it's something we certainly don't want others to see... and we don't like seeing somebody else's snot.
Metaphorically speaking, of course.
So why am I writing this? It was prompted by reading this article:
- Stifled Grief: How the West Has It Wrong -
Although the article is very much about grief, it can be applied to many other human afflictions and difficulties (our snot). Ironically, as said in the article, the intended audience is the least likely to read it. Even those that do read it, when it doesn't apply, may not fully grasp or appreciate the words or the emotions conveyed.
I suppose it was this...
"I’d like to point out that we are a culture of emotionally stunted individuals who are scared of [our mortality] and have mastered the concept of stuffing our pain"
...that made me think of snot - We're afraid of our snot, and, more so, the snot of others.
"...many will discount my words and label us as “stuck” or “in need of good therapy"... those who are honest with the emotions [that surround loss] are the ones who are the least “stuck” and have received the best therapy around. You see, getting in touch with our true feelings, embracing the honest emotions [of death] only serve to expand the heart and allow us to move forward in a genuine and honest way."
There's much in the article that I thought to expand on, but it can stand on it's own (maybe another time). My intent is not to limit attention to grief but to all types of snot.
I've dealt with a lot of snot over the last several years; my own and others. I've caused snot too; and I've learned about snot, mostly that (I think Joni Mitchell said it) I really don't know snot at all. I've said before that, culturally, we don't deal with snot very well. We do our best to suppress it or hide it; we want fast fixes and instant cures; we stigmatize it and even criminalize it; we are very good at drugging it; everything but effectively facing it and honoring it. You can hide your snot, you can suck it in and act like you have no snot (but it's going to come out). We need to help others deal with their snot more effectively (around 50% of lifetime snot issues start around age 14). To do that, we all have to deal with our snot and stop being afraid of it.
So I'll say this: whatever your snot is, I am quite willing to stand in witness of it. I may be a little unsure or insecure. I'll probably offer advice or opinion when I shouldn't. At times, I'll say or do the wrong thing. I won't always understand, but, I'll try. I'll try to listen; I'll try to share with you; I'll try to be honest; mostly, I'll try to be present. And when I fail, I'll try again, if you let me.
I'm not afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of your snot ™